aa step two

aa_step_two

AA Step Two

When is comes to the AA's Step Two, that was a hand full. This was not my first time to AA,

but it was the first time I had ever looked at the AA Step Two. I had set in the AA meeting rooms and read

the steps off the wall, thinking that was doing the steps. I got nothing out of it until I came into the program

this last time and the old timers asked me about it. They had asked me if I had done the step and what did I get outof it. Iwas still asking my self, " what are these steps and what does it matter to me". I just wanted to stop

drinking! w What do these steps have to do with it?

After a long and hard fight with myself, I did Step One 100%. I knew I was an alcoholic and I could no longer drink.

Now I was at the AA Step Two. After thinking about this step, I really didn't think it was for me. Think about it. I was raised to be my own man, strong with no one in front of me. With my up bringing I never knew what sanity was. And Step Two, I thought was impossible. It reads.... Came to believe in a power greater then me that could restore me to sanity. lol.

Lets break this down. I paid my bills, worked every day, and thought I was reasonable. I thought I didn't need anyone or anything. It is not that I didn't believe in God and I believe it was ok if others believed. Yes, when the chips were down or I was in jail with a lot of charges, I did have fox hole prayers. But as soon as I was out of trouble, I forgot all about it. I didn't know this God at all. Little did I know he was the only thing saving me from myself. My world was falling down around me and I couldn't see it. The trees in front of the forest were to tall.

in the AA Step Two there are two parts. The part of returning to sanity. I didn't see this part of the Step Two for a long time. I had a life to live and didn't know how to change myself. The definition of sanity is soundness of mind. A sane person can do a crazy thing, but, to be insane is a full time job....not doing a crazy thing. My life was insane with bad behavior like fighting, car wrecks, passing out, yelling, losing my temper and the list could go on and on. Looking back at it, I think I was proud of my insane life as I didn't know any different.

This part, a power greater then me was baffling. I thought I controlled every thing. In time that power greater then me would show me just who controlled what he did. My higher power controlled every thing about me. He carried me every step of the way. It just looked like I was in control, when probably every one else knew better. In time my higher power would show me who was boss and it was not me.

My mind thought some pretty insane thoughts in those early days. It took a lot of work with my higher power and me to get to the point were I could think strait and somewhat sane. I was told I didn't have to believe in all AA Step Two all at one time. It was a time thing. It would come to me if I tried my best. I was glad for that.

Some how the old timers opened my mind to a new way of things and a new way of life. Change was hard, but it got easier as time went on. That was a big step in the right direction.

After all my years of drinking I came to the conclusion that I really was an alcoholic. I was convinced. I new my life was very unmanageable and out of control. Now they wanted me to believe in a power greater than me. They said if I didn't believe, just believe that they believed and I could borrow their higher power any time I needed to. I believed they had a higher power and that they all had what I wanted....sobriety. They all had 10 years, 20 years, and 30 years in AA and I just knew the wouldn't lie to me. There would be a fight if they did. I trusted them with my life. With that being said they told me I could use the group as a higher power, if nothing else worked. I did that for a number of years and stayed sober.